Be the Type of Person You Want to Attract (Be Someone’s Ideal Partner)
Finding a life partner that you connect with on numerous levels is one of the most commonly sought out desires across cultures and time.
When it comes to attracting a partner, physical attributes will obviously play a role, and hobbies and interests will too. But here’s the problem: way too many individuals don’t look any deeper than that.
Those elements are only a small part of the equation, because looks will fade, and hobbies and interests may change over time. There’s nothing wrong with valuing a partner who has good looks or a good job; but if that’s all you’re looking for, you’re setting yourself up for a miserable life.
What’s vitally important in determining a good match in any long-term romantic relationship (or platonic relationship as well, actually) are the values someone lives by. Our values are the beliefs we hold most strongly, and choose to live our lives by.
Since life is unpredictable, and circumstances can change without warning, understanding why someone chooses to do things a certain way and finding someone aligned on important issues makes it much more likely that you will be able to remain unified as a team when facing the random challenges that will inevitably come up in day to day living.
The strength of the bond between two individuals with similar values as compared to two people who don’t have alignment is like night and day.
When you break it down to its simplest form, each individual is essentially just a blurred combination of certain beliefs, values, and habits that they have chosen for themselves. Imagine it as if each individual were just a ball of energy floating around in the world, resonating a specific vibe based on the attitude derived from their values.
Looking at the two floating energy balls above, which one would you rather spend more time around? The answer is obvious. Who wouldn’t want to spend time around someone who lives life by admirable values on a frequent basis?
For anyone who chooses to shape their character out of these types of values, they will have an abundance of quality people who want to be in their lives (both platonically and romantically) for the long haul.
It’s interesting how much society encourages us to focus on improving ourselves on the surface level to find love. Sure, it can help to make a great first impression, but it does very little to increase our chances of long-term happiness in life and love. Focusing on living our deepest core values is a much better approach, and will significantly increase the odds of attracting the right person for the right reasons.
When it comes to our beliefs, values, and habits, none of them are set in stone. Our values are whatever we choose for them to be; they’re whatever we live by in our day to day lives.
Here’s the issue: many of us are walking around the world with values that we picked up from mirroring others as we grew up, and we don’t even consciously know what they are. If you’ve never thought about this topic before, there is a good chance that many of your beliefs and values were blindly passed down to you from parents, friends, teachers, and others in society.
If this is the case — if your values have not been consciously and deliberately chosen because they resonate most strongly with you — then you most likely have a mixed bag of values that don’t actually align with who you really want to be in the world.
If you’re lucky, you’ve picked up some positive values, but it’s also likely that you picked up some negative ones as well that no one has told you about.
Finding a way to receive honest feedback on these can be difficult, because it’s generally considered impolite for others to tell you unappealing things about yourself. But if you put in the effort to seek this information from others in a non-confrontational way, and promise not to take it personally — it definitely is available to you.
A good clue to lead you in the right direction is to think about which values you spend the most time, money, and energy on.
By discovering where your actual values are misaligned from your desired ideal values, it gives you the opportunity to grow in the direction that’s ideal for you.
Understanding and living your deepest core values will make it possible for you to vibe and connect with the type of person who also lives these same values you admire. Otherwise, you will typically just end up matching with partners you’re not satisfied with, and your ideal type of partner will simply not be able to feel very connected to you.
To break it down simply, think about this process in two major steps:
1. What core values would your ideal partner live by?
2. What core values do you envision your ideal partner would want their ideal partner to live by?
This is a blueprint that anyone can follow. Spend time chasing ideal partners, and they’ll run away. Spend time working on yourself and becoming an ideal partner, and your ideal partner will find you.